My Darkest and final day

[Rstrach]

First of all i will not go into details but i have been suffering from mental illness for the past year. I have had external factors influence my trading and when that happens you should really just walk away. I am 20 years old and have just wasted in total 8900 pounds of my trading bank which has decimated it to my original 1000. I am very embarrassed to say this but i have blown it all by acting like a gambling addict and haven't even opened B.A today.

I attended Perth today and tried to put on a mask on here and with whom i attended with that i was okay. I was not. I am clearly not cut out for the trading world and will be seeking full time employment again. I really can't put my finger on it but i feel physically sick and drained. I feel there is no point in going on, i have not only invested money but time into this world that has drawn me by my own keen-ness to learn and improve away from my social circles and family which may have triggered todays events. I am now in a position where my safety bank is running low for necessities and my mortgage. My relationship has been affected and my morale and self confidence an all time low.

I do not want pity i am simply posting one last time on here to show it's not all glamour in this wolrd and youre either cut out for it or youre not. The tears roll down my cheeks as i type this goodbye. To the people who advised me thank you, to the friends i have made thank you and to Peter Webb thank you the most for providing my last 2 years with drive and passion wanting to better myself as a trader and person with you as my role model. (cheesy) I now have nothing and it is through not anyones fault but my own and my own mind.

Goodbye.

[jimibt]

I'm sorry to hear that you've arrived at this place. Without knowing the full details, it is of course very difficult to offer anything other than support. I think you can hold your head up high for both giving it a good try (it sounds like you are very committed) as well standing back and taking a timeout to re-assess your approach to all of this.

There is no doubt that this can become obsessive and without self checks and balances, can run away with time (and as you've found -money).

I hope you are able to focus on other pursuits for a time and then come back refreshed and imbued with wisdom from your journey. Even if the final destination wasn't what you'd hoped for now, you at least took part to your fullest ability.

Good luck in whatever you decide on next
jim

[Naffman]

Really sorry to hear that pal!

Good luck with the future!!

[ShaunWhite]

I'm not being patronising when I say don't forget how young you are. Unless you're really really lucky, then life will at times do this sort of thing to you. It has now, and it may do again in the future, but in between there will be good times, especially for someone as hard working, intellegent and sociable as you are.

As I said, unless people here have lived a charmed life, there will be dozens of us who have felt how you feel now over one thing or another. Keep your chin up mate and well done for making the descision you've made today, it sounds like the right thing.

Now move on to the next thing and absolutely kill it!

[LeTiss]

Ouch, sorry to hear that mate!

You're 20, you have plenty of time to find your path in life. If you were 45-55 I'd be more concerned for you, as your best days would be gone, but that's not the case for you

You aren't the first to bite the dust here, you won't be the last. It's a problem many have, and that's because the vast majority here have taken an interest in trading, due to their initial interest in betting/gambling. Some people have arrived here from a financial/analytical background like PW, and as a result, I believe they find it easier to firewall themselves from moments of madness, due to rushes of blood to the head.

Don't beat yourself up, and don't gamble to try and recover your £8900. You come across as a great guy, so everything in life is rosier than you think - I'd love to be 20 again having just blown £9000. Enjoy life, because it goes quicker than you think. I caught sight of myself in the mirror, getting out the shower this morning - with belly full of biscuits, and my forest of grey pubes, I'm starting to look like Father Christmas. That will be you in 25 years, so don't waste you life disappointed this didn't work out for you

Good Luck Rstrach, it was nice having contact with you
LT

[ShaunWhite]

I was impressed you had a mortage at 20 ! At 20 I was sharing a crappy flat looking at debts of over 20 grand from a business venture I was massively ripped off over. Then at 30 I was in an empty flat with a 50 grand debt, watching the woman I loved leave with my son.

When you look back on this it'll just be another chapter in your life story, at least you're making it interesting.

[Rstrach]

Thank you all for the replies and sharing with me my situation as you see it. It really does help a bit, my personality is to make things work issues don't happen to me and to not be phased by adversity should it occur. But, today I find myself flat, truly hurt and in a rutt.

I love the community betangel has and recently has become a big part of my life, now a void has been created that needs filled - but with what?!?

I will bounce back!! Thank you for the words of positivity and kindness Jimmy, LeTiss, Anna, Naff and anyone else I may have missed.

Up next a good bit of counselling and a cuppa.

It will be hard to say goodbye for good but it may just be the best thing for me and my life.

[Rstrach]

I was impressed you had a mortage at 20 ! At 20 I was sharing a crappy flat looking at debts of over 20 grand from a business venture I was massively ripped off over. Then at 30 I was in an empty flat with a 50 grand debt, watching the woman I loved leave with my son.

When you look back on this it'll just be another chapter in your life story, at least you're making it interesting.

Sorry I missed you Shaun, if my memory serves me right you were the first person I ever struck up conversation with on here. So from beginning to end I'll bow out with this - Thanks and all the best!

[xitian]

Sorry to hear the bad news. I know the feeling when £1000s have been lost.

I think you should take a couple of days to relax and cool down first of all (assuming time and finances permit). Then after that, see it as an opportunity to self-reflect and look at things as objectively as possible. Objectivity is probably one of the most important things in this game. I'd reflect on your whole experience since you started full-time though.

Re-read all of the posts you've made on this forum so far and read all of their replies. Especially ones regarding going full-time. I'd personally ask myself: What's changed since yesterday? Am I the same person who wrote those posts? If not, why not?

Other than now having a bank of £1,000 instead of £10,000, you're now perhaps a bit wiser than yesterday, or perhaps now you've learnt something about yourself that you didn't know before (e.g. uncontrollable gambler at heart?). But aside from that, you still have the same skill at trading that you had yesterday. You said yourself that today's loss wasn't related to trading at all. Does what you've learnt today mean that your trading skills are no longer valid?

So whether you decide to move on, or give it another go, or take a break doing something else and trying again one day - just make sure you've had time to let the emotion of the events cool down first, before having a good objective reflection on the last few months. I'm sure that although it's been a terrible thing to go through today, it'll prove to be valuable in other ways, perhaps waaay down the line in your life. We all make mistakes, but I think they can prove invaluable if you spend the time to learn from them.

[Bluesky]

I'm extremely sorry to read this Rstrach, and it certainly took some guts on your behalf to write it. As others have said you have plenty of time on your side, and perhaps some time in the future you may come back to trading. Many of the worlds top traders went bust several times before they actually made it, however I think for the time being it would be wise for you to pursue other areas of interest.

Good luck for the future and don't be too hard on yourself for not succeeding at this, most people fail and its not because they are stupid or lazy or don't apply themselves. Profitable trading is extremely hard.

Your probably not in the right frame of mind to consider it at the moment. In the future however take a good look at match betting, I don't mean the simple offers that everyone does when the first start, look a lot deeper. There is a lot of money to be made before you loose all your bookie accounts, its a hell of a lot easier than trading (even I make good money at it), and if you have the time and interest you could recoup your trading losses with very little risk in a fairly short time.

[Rstrach]

Thank you Xitian and Blusky for your replies.

I do need to cool off indeed just now i am starting to slide back into rational thinking which is good. Have a loving girlfriend and supporting mother who i have turned to, i think maybe i got complacent thought i knew everything there was to know. If i do come back it will be babysteps and if not then hey hey i gave it a go. Hopefully i can find full time work again and avoid the dole

Cheers

[ruthlessimon]

If you've genuinely lost £10k, that's gut wrenching. However (if I was in your position) I wouldn't be rash & quit yet. The market has merely taken a loan off you for the sum of £9k, time to work hard & make sure the market pays it back - with infinite interest.

If this loss was trading related, I would ban myself from the live markets & stay on sim indefinitely until I fully understand my edge again. I think a couple of weeks being consistently profitable would be enough. Enough time to rebuild a bank, & importantly rebuild your psychological capital. I never understand why traders advise going live without an edge. Without a solid process, at best, your bank will bleed slowly. At worst your emotions will take over, & a haemorrhage such as this, is inevitable.

When you go live again, start small, build slow, aim for longterm. Trading is a life skill - hopefully you'll still be doing it when your 80. & if you don't want to be trading when your 80, then you shouldn't be a trader

[poklius]

I wish I had a girlfriend and 8900 pounds to waste at 20

[trader44]

Rstrach .I am new to the forum so not had much interaction with you ..I can empathize with your experience,,been there done that ...not sure what to say except that you will definitely get over it and already your thinking more rational..trading is a tough nut to crack anyone can make a profit short term but doing it long term over and over again is a whole different ball game altogether.. believe me "this job could tame lions " it can chew people up and spit them out hopefully in time you can reflect on what happened and learn from it ..we certainly wouldn't choose our life lessons but if we get through them we can learn from them and become stronger/wiser ..

[jimibt]

... Hopefully i can find full time work again and avoid the dole

Cheers

oh for the 80's. between terms in uni, dole (especially as a musician) was the 1st port of call. kinda cringe now, but have very vivid memories of having dole interviews with various members of staff who used to come to a lot of our gigs. can only admire the creativity they must have employed to keep *me* off the radar. (oh and i also [being a total eejit] remember going to the dole office for the 1st time to register for (UN)employment. lol -what a to$$er i was), but hey, it actually all came good and life's journey with it's unexpected turns actually made it all the better.

Glad you're feeling reflective and positive - the black dog is NOT your friend, make sure you tame it and shake it off...

Take care
jim